A Different Take on Star Wars Episode VII

I think it stank. My reasoning is based on a number of factors; here I present them and present best/worst examples.

Awe and Wonder: anything that made my jaw drop with its imagination
     1. A New Hope: The creatures in the bar scene.
     2. The Empire Strikes Back: the attack of the walkers across the snow
     3. Attack of the Clones: the wild and crazy robot-weapons in the big battle
     4. Attack of the Clones: the flying creatures that look like dragonflies
     5. Phantom Menace: some of racers and creatures.

Greatest Scenes
     1. The Phantom Menace: the final fight with Darth Maul
     2. The Return of the Jedi: Luke gives in to the dark side, defeats Darth Vader, then goes back to the light
     3. A New Hope: the battle for the Death Star

Greatest Secondary Characters
     1. Attack of the Clones: The four-armed short order cook
     2. Attack of the Clones: the tall, elegant female cloner
     3. Phantom Menace: Watto, the junk dealer who flies
     4. A New Hope: Grand Moff Tarkin: a villain who rolls his r’s with the best of them.
     5. Phantom Menace: Darth Maul, another truly magnificent villain.

Greatest Short Moments
     1. Revenge of the Sith: Yoda enters Palpatine’s office and disables the guards with a wave of his hand.
     2. Revenge of the Sith: Yoda decapitates the Storm Troopers who are about to kill him.
     3. Phantom Menace: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan defeat the robots in their first battle of the movie. 
     4. Empire Strikes Back: introduction of Darth Vader’s command ship and his musical theme.
     5. Phantom Menace: Amidala captures the bad guys in the palace.

Insulting My Intelligence:
     1. Return of the Jedi: Teddy bears defeating Imperial Storm Troopers? Right.
     2. Revenge of the Sith: Anakin pledging allegiance to the Emperor? C’mon, that scene just doesn’t work.
     3. The Force Awakens: Kylo Ren acts like he’ll follow his father, but then murders him.
     4. The Force Awakens: Finn, with no training whatsoever, manages to fight Kylo Ren for several minutes.
     5. The Force Awakens: Rey, with no training whatsoever, defeats Kylo Ren.
     6. The Force Awakens: a huge crack in the earth separates Rey from Ren just as she’s about to finish him off.
     7. Attack of the Clones: Fett managed to follow the wild chase of the assassin. Sure.
     8: Return of the Jedi: Leia (disguised) enters Jabba’s main room by kicking somebody out of the way. 
     9: Return of the Jeni: Obi-Wan explains his lie: “So what I told you was true… from a certain point of view.”
    10: Attack of the Clones: Amidala falls in love with Anakin? She’s maybe 20 years his senior.
    11: Return of the Jedi: Yoda’s last words. C’mon, the last syllable with the last breath?
    12: Revenge of the Sith: the Emperor’s crazy laughter as he fights Yoda.
    13: Revenge of the Sith: Amidala dies of a broken heart in childbirth???

Memorable Lines:
     1. Empire Strikes Back: “No. *I* am your father.” [Darth Vader]
     2. Empire Strikes Back: “I have a bad feeling about this.” [Princess Leia]
     3. Empire Strikes Back: “Would it help if I got out and pushed?” [Princess Leia]
     4. A New Hope: “Mos Eisely spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.”
     5: A New Jope: “I have you now” [Darth Vader] 
     6: Return of the Jedi: “When 900 years old you are, look as good you will not.” [Yoda]
     7: The Empire Strikes Back: “Do or do not. There is no try.” [Yoda]

Stupid Characters: 
     1. Phantom Menace: Jar-Jar Binks. Is there anybody who *doesn’t* hate him?
     2. C3PO: he’s nowhere near as bad as Jar-Jar Binks, but he’s still a weak character.
     3. Attack of the Clones: young Boba Fett. He just doesn’t make sense as a character.

Humor
     1. A New Hope: the astronaut in the bar scene
     2. Empire Strikes Back: the Millenium Falcon never seems to be able to engage its hyperdrive.
     3. Empire Strikes Back: the look on the captain's face when Darth Vader promotes him after killing his predecessor
     4. A New Hope: R2D2 and C3PO run across the corridor in the midst of a firefight without being hurt.
     5: Return of the Jedi: Han Solo shoots the tentacle off of Lando’s leg despite Lando’s “I thought you couldn't see!” 


Looking these over, there isn’t a single positive entry for The Force Awakens, and four negative entries. The Force Awakens has absolutely nothing new and interesting. It’s the same old blasters, light sabers, spaceships, and odd creatures that we have seen in six previous movies. Rey is an interesting character, but not Olympian. Kylo Ren is Darth Vader writ small. BB8 is an R2D2 who is round in 3 dimensions instead of 2. Snoke is just the Emperor. They even have a souped-up Death Star that has a fatal weakness, and the bad guys are searching for a cute little robot that contains information of great importance to both sides. Finn is just a variation on Han Solo. We’ve seen all this before.